omoidebako

アメリカ人の大学生が、日々少しずつ歩いていく人生の旅を「思い出箱」に書き出す。

A second first date

Perhaps it's always the first date with someone that always leaves behind the biggest impressions - I'm not sure. Either way, my second first date on 05/20/19 was extremely memorable, and I want to record what happened nonetheless.

I have been friends with her for about four months already, and have already spent quite a lot of time alone with her (e.g. rock climbing, getting ice cream at Izzy's). Although I felt a little nervous leading up to the date itself, after meeting with her behind Coffman Memorial Union a little past 3PM and getting on the highway (after some problems with the East River parking garage exit that caused a little embarassment...), our conversation slid into our regular banter and any residual nervousness seemed to disappear. It was a little strange being so comfortable with someone on a first date, given my past experience. 

We arrived at the Minnesota Arboretum without much traffic; the place was extremely packed for a Monday afternoon! Without much ado we explored the flowering and non-flowering gardens. I don't particularly remember much of what we talked about, but our conversation flowed really smoothly. By the time we walked over to the crabapple orchards and relaxed on a bench together, my cheeks were sore from smiling and laughing so much. Maybe it's because we've been friends for a while, but I just felt like I could be myself - there was no facade or trying to impress her, only me and my raw self spending time with her. 

Heading back we (miraculously, and also embarassing moment #2 - cheeks turned real red here because I didn't expect anybody I knew to see us together) actually bumped into a friend of ours. It was already 7PM by the time we left the Arboretum; time flew so fast! We found that the place I had originally suggested for dinner in Wayzata, The Dough Room, wasn't even open on Mondays. We opted instead for D'Amico and Sons, which was a nice quiet Italian diner. Walking along the pier and the shops in Wayzata in the sunset and holding hands together was a real treat. It was past 9 by the time we finished things up.

Our next date is next Saturday, and we already have plans for... guess what... Detective Pikachu and Nintendo Switch time. Yep, who saw that coming!?

Reflections on a semester

Since last writing an entry, almost five months have passed, and in that period a lot has occurred.

My relationship unfortunately did not work out - January 30th, 2019, the coldest day of the year with record-breaking windchills, my now ex-girlfriend and I broke up. We didn't break up on bad terms - simply put, we knew that a relationship wasn't going to work out. For her, she was overwhelmed with freshman year and realized what her priorities were both in life and in a relationship. For me, I knew I couldn't handle uncertainty, and I didn't feel like my effort was being reciprocated. The months following the break-up were some of the hardest I have experienced emotionally; the withdrawal of being permanently apart from someone I cared for so much, someone who I valued more than just a friend... and I would also always have second thoughts. Was breaking up the right choice? Did I do the right thing? Had I been less rash, could I have prevented the break-up from happening?

Reflecting after three months of being part, I could not be more sure that I did the best for myself. I put my utmost effort into the relationship and, while I had my own personal faults, I was also willing to improve on them. Deep inside I think I tried to convince myself many times that I was satisfied and that any dissatisfaction could be attributed to the long-distance component - but that may obscured any real issues. I learned that I need to take care of myself, because even in a relationship it should be my wellbeing that comes first.

I also learned how to recover from a break-up. Social support is critical; being by myself would have exacerbated the pain. I strengthened previous friendships, made new ones, and got involved in another student group. I required a full three months of time before freeing myself from emotional ties - and I could not feel any better. Curiosity can undermine healing progress when space and separation are most important.

Aside from this, I completed the MCAT after a month of studying 10-12 hours a day. My efforts were well-rewarded with a good score, although I hope to space out my learning more for future standardized tests.

In general, I also did a great job of getting myself out there and meeting new people; while I became tired sometimes after meeting with people upon people, I created for myself a new friend and social support network that I'm very grateful to have.

I also realized that I am ready for relationships and to initiate things by myself. I became close friends with someone who actually helped me recover from my break-up; at first, I only ate dinner with her and her roommate. Gradually, I spent more time with her and her alone; conversation never seemed to be boring around her. One particular night I spent time with her on Geoguessr until late in the evening, and I began to contemplate whether I had feelings for her. Evening upon evening spending 2+ hours with her confirmed this suspicion, and a weekend during finals her and I even went out for ice cream at Izzy's in Minneapolis to watch the sunset by the Stone Arch Bridge. Last night, after the end of finals and finally moving on from my previous relationship, I took the move to ask her on a date - and she reciprocated her interest. I was taken back a little by how enthusiastic she was, but also very relieved. While our date hasn't been finalized (as we have just returned home and have plans to meet friends), I'm really excited.

4 months in!

Long time no post - looks like we're already nearing the end of an entire semester, holy.

The last almost four months have been a huge rollercoaster of emotions for me. Things are going well, and I don't regret anything that's happened in my relationship since I last updated.

I just had some short thoughts -

Aren't relationships scary?

I don't quite mean the fear of breaking up or being dumped; it's more of...

When you're in a trusting, healthy relationship with someone - of course it's natural to think that you'd live the rest of your life with them. Yet, you don't know what will happen down the line; you hear of couples who break up after one or two years, and think - woah, wait, will that be me? Am I being blindsided by love? What's ahead in store of me?

And you might think it's not such a big deal until you think of the time, energy, feelings, secrets that have been exchanged - and all of a sudden it's fearful to think about.

Yet there's a huge trust that goes into this, something that makes you want to continue even though almost everything is an unknown, even though there's nothing you can plan about it. You feel as if you want to do everything for your partner; caring for your significant other and their family seems second nature. And at the same time you want to scream at the top of your lungs -

I love you.

And that's when I realized that I fell in love.

The first date that wasn't a first date (warning: long!)

I'll be writing this in English because I want to remember 08/23/18 as an extremely important and special day of my life!

Quick TL;DR summary of what happened before: two years ago I became friends with someone special on a trip to Japan, but I was slow at reading her signals and I was clearly not ready for a relationship yet (haha). After receiving a phone call asking for a date and giving a shitty answer (I literally said "uhh, it's too far, so it won't work out, uhh yeah"), I thought about a date for five months before asking her in July.

Her university move-in was the day after (8/24), so 8/23, the day I flew in to NYC, was the only time that fit us. I had considered booking at various restaurants (e.g. Gaonnuri, which I canceled the day before, and Grand Seoul, which I canceled the day of) but in the end these weren't necessary. I woke up at 2:30 AM to shower, groom, and get ready for a 6:05 AM flight to Newark Liberty International. After taking the AirTrain to use NJ Transit and arriving at New York Penn Station, we met each other after some confusion (my GPS thought I was in Union City, NJ!) at 7th Ave and W 32nd St.

We started out a little awkward - we were in "touring NYC" mode, so trying to talk to each other was difficult. I complimented her on the hair she had dyed red, the shoes she had chosen (one of 16 pairs), and later on after we arrived at Grand Central to look around, her eyeliner (which her friend had apparently helped her put on earlier that morning). We looked around Grand Central and tried to start some friendly talk to get more comfortable, but my bag and suitcase in addition to my shawl cardigan plus t-shirt and jeans outfit was getting pretty toasty (ouch, wrong outfit), so we headed to the hotel I booked at Westin Grand Central to put my things down. After a quick break we headed to our next stop, Kinokuniya near Bryant Park.

Kinokuniya is where we started to loosen up just a little because we got to talk about anime/manga, Japanese stationery, and our trip to Japan on the Kakehashi Project, although we didn't stay inside for too long before getting hungry and wanting to find a place to eat. I suggested Xi'an Famous Foods but the line was quite long at W 45 St, so we went to the neighboring "Pizza Cafe" just to find something to eat.

At this point our conversations were winding down and I was starting to run out of topics, so we ate our pepperoni pizza lunches with intermittent conversation. I had thought I was doing a poor job of keeping the date interesting and had almost asked her if she wanted to go home...

...luckily (!) we decided on heading to the oculus and Winter Garden Atrium next. Where the date really picked up though, and I owe her a big one for this, is when she started to in a way show her path growing up in NYC. She showed me her middle school at West St and Chambers St, how she chose her high school and why she despised Stuyvesant High (much more interesting how she told it in person), and her experiences in high school. We got a lot more comfortable with each other as we walked along the Battery Park City Esplanade in Rockefeller Park, and we found a nice bench to relax in the shade, enjoy the weather and scenery of the Jersey City shore, and chat.

She suggested we move over to the waterfront benches after a while in the shade, so we did so. I tried making my first move to see whether she was comfortable holding hands - asking her about hand size and comparing, which we had talked about previously. I quickly clasped her hands for a moment and was surprised when she didn't reel back from it, and kept that in mind as we strolled toward the Irish Hunger Memorial for a nice view.

Next we decided to try buy tickets for Crazy Rich Asians at the Regal Cinemas at Battery Park 11, but the 7:30 time slot we wanted was sold out (and other places were too far). Instead she lead me to Chinatown and we toured the area, grabbed bubble drinks at Gong Cha, and saw her grandpa's clinic, her elementary, and daycare before walking across the Brooklyn Bridge.

At this point I think we were getting comfortable enough to hold hands, so it took me until the downhill slope near Brooklyn to ask - I'm sure I was influenced by the other couples who were holding hands. (Apparently she was shocked!)

We then decided to do so, but along the High Line, so we rode the subway from Brooklyn to Chelsea. I entered super flirt mode or something at the High Line, but I don't care - holding hands along the High Line (although we had to dry our hands every so often) and dropping smooth lines has to be one of the most memorable experiences of my life. This is what youth feels like!

We settled down to discuss where to go next at 11th Ave and W 30th St before deciding to get something to eat at Otoya. At this point we were really comfortable and began to talk about continuing the relationship - how an LDR would work, what we would each need to do to make it work, and so on. Eating at Otoya was a pleasant experience, as we took bar seats and (according to her) side-by-side eating was more casual than face-to-face as we had done at the Pizza Cafe earlier. I ordered a mini-oyakodon set which proved to be a lot of food, while she took a salad that unexpectedly came with karaage.

At this point it was getting late so we returned to my room to give my gifts for her family after holding hands one more time from Grand Central. We cuddled (!). What!? I still can't believe it either, and it was her who initiated it.

For whatever reason this feels like a military report of the events that happened that day, but I just wanted to remember everything!

ミシガン湖旅行:一日目

9日間のミシガン湖の旅行から帰ってきました!早速ブログを書きたいと思います。

1日目は、ミネアポリスからミシガンのアッパー半島に運転しました。距離はおよそ500マイル(804キロ)です。疲れてしまいますね!

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まずはPalms Brook州立公園に行きました。Kitch-iti-kipiという湖で有名で、特徴は以下の写真の通りの透明さです。

f:id:omoidebako:20180812025931j:plainそれから、Pictured Rocks National Lakeshoreに行ってみました。

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ちょうどよく夕方だったので、写真がよく撮れました!

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初恋&初デート

今までの自分が、あんまり恋愛のことをわからなくて、彼女とかデートとかにかかわらずに生きてきた。

「恋」ってなんだろう?

「好き」ってどういう気持なんだろう?

と、皆さんも思ったことがあるんでしょう。

自分が恋をしていると思ったら、やはり相手の性格を知らなくて、見た目だけに興味があったんです。一ヶ月間経ってから興味がなくなりました。

2年前は架け橋プロジェクトという交流のプログラムに参加させていただきました。アメリカ人の集団で東京と広島を観光して、いろいろ貴重な思い出ができました。

プログラムの直後に空港に待っていた自分が、集団のとあるニューヨークからの女の子から連絡が来ました。

最初から「あの子かわいいなー」と思ったんですけどプログラム中に話すことがなくて、急に連絡が来たらびっくりしました。

「この人優しいね」と、自分が相手の行為を勘違いして、いろんな楽しい会話ができました。

ほぼ毎日あの女の子からメッセージが来て、「まぁ、絶対優しい人だからこういうことしてんだろうな」と思い続けたんですけど…

今年の2月、電話であの女の子にデートに誘ってもらって、大ショックでした。

「遠すぎるから無理だ」というわがままな言い訳を返事して、電話をそのまま切ってしまいました。実は、「遠距離恋愛は初恋として絶対無理だ」「あの子、大学に申請してるから邪魔したくない」「そもそも会ったことないから無理じゃん」「大学に入ってから絶対自分より良い彼氏見つけるから、付き合い始めたらお互い不幸になる」と思ってました。

 

自分は内向な性格なのでその後は会話がほぼ止まりました。

 

今振り返ても、「俺、ひどいことしたんだなー」と思います。

そして7月。4年前のドイツでホームステイしていた家族がニューヨークに来てくれて、早速飛行機のチケットを予約しました。8月23日に到着して、24日にあって、25日に帰ります。

「やはりあの人会いたいなー」「メッセージ、欲しいなー」「悪いことしちゃったから速く謝ったほうがいいかな」と思って、

勇気を出してあの女の子をデートに誘いました。

9時間のデートになります。詳細とかはまだ決まってないんですけど、やっと会える機会ができてよかったです。

少しだけ、「恋」のことを分かったと思います。

日記:7/23〜7/28

一週間が経てしまいました。相変わらず、いろいろなハプニングがありました。

先週見つけたiMac G4をアップグレードするため、またパソコンのコンポを探しにいきました。残念ながら、512MBのSDRAMはなかったんですが、7200RPMのIDEハードディスクを見つけました。

ハードディスクにOSをコピーしたら、ハードディスクがなかなかうるさくて、結局アップグレードはしなかったんです。

そして、木・金曜日は日本からの合気道部集団とツインシティーズ(ミネアポリス・セントポール)を観光しました。合気道部の生徒たちとあんまり会話できなかったんですが、担当の先生たちと仲が良かったです。

今日は84.5キロのロングライドを走ってきました。もう少し速く走りたかったので、平均速度の28.5キロを挑戦してみました。なかなかつらかったんですが、無事にできました。

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田舎の景色、なかなかきれいですね!